In the dream, I cried and was gobsmacked. How can I end up with that man again? How did I trust N when I knew he was utterly incapable of being dependable and loyal? I felt it started with D, I have deep feelings of trusts and an intuition that told me this person of your cloth, he is genuine, not a liar. But, then it felt like they suddenly removed the mask and showed me it was N all along and that was when I was shocked at my misjudgment. I felt truly deep down, but this was different there was a true, genuine, and tested connection that I felt deep down, with my every cell, that was real and warm, and I was astonished but how could they all be wrong, and I end up with the deceitful liar who routinely lies to themselves and lives a sham. How it all turned from the warm and assuring gut feeling of love and trust to him again, someone in capable of accessing truth. The anguish in the dream expressed my fear. My fear of truly putting my trust into the relationship; to doubtlessly jump back and wait for him to catch me while I'm facing the possibility of crashing if he doesn't catch me.