I feel an intense need to be loved by her, obsessed with her, and judged by her. I also feel an intense need for her to enjoy being with me, and I feel judged. I feel judged all the time, including by her. 

She loves palm trees. I know I have to let her explore and be a safe haven to her but I feel I can be an agent of chaos in her life in fact. I love how she gets excited and look at us for sharing the moment. I feel the need to understand her. Every mistake take me to a dark space. She is so beautiful, she is extremely curious. I feel I'm not doing enough with her. 

I am so nervous about her cries. Her discomfort unsettles me.